21 and Pregnant.. Why I Wish I Waited!!!!

Ugh. I am so miserable and pregnant. The bottom line is, I'm too young to be doing this. I'm not leading the life of a normal 21 year old. I should be out with friends, going to school, working crazy hours, saving money for myself, and my future, but instead I'm playing housewife to a man who doesn't even care about me. So many young girls dream to be in my position, or atleast it seems, since so many young girls are having babies these days, but at this point in time, I would trade lives with almost any other 21 year old who wasn't about to have a child. Maybe I feel like this, because of the lack of love I receive, but I don't know. I'm sure people out there think I'm being selfish, but I just think of it as I haven't finished being a kid yet. I'm a child, attempting to raise a child, and although I know I am more than capable of being able to raise a child properly, I wish I waited. I just hope I can change the mind of atleast one young girl trying to have a baby, to wait until she is older, so she can avoid the pain I'm feeling...

Love; one of the most important things that need to be in place when a child is being brought into this world. Mikey; the man who I am having a child with, does not love me, and I do not love him, in fact, I can't even think about anything that I LIKE about him; and that is sad. At one point, I really liked him, but after being forced to live with him, and deal with him and his bullshit day in and day out... I'm starting to hate him more and more everyday. We fight over everything. I'm not happy living here. I sacrificed everything for this man; my body, my friends, my family, any fun I was having, EVERYTHING; and I do not get anything in return. He goes out with friends, gets high, drunk, does drugs, and doesn't work; while I sit at his house, and clean up all the messes he leaves behind, and cooks him food when he gets hungry. He doesn't show me any affection. We're being forced to deal with eachother, when in essence, we can't stand one another.. but the reason he can't stand me, is I don't like him to talk to his ex girlfriends, and go out partying, since we are supposed to be TRYING to make all this work. All he thinks about is himself, and uses the excuse "I'll change when the baby comes". I feel like his mother most of the time. He stresses me out so much, but when I try to tell him; he gets mad at me, and stresses me out even more. I can't win no matter what, so now I just don't even really talk to him, and try to ignore the fact that he's there. It disgusts me. We are nothing more than room mates. We are not friends.

Life; something everyone should experience before they die. I have never gone on a airplane, or a boat. I never got my liscence. I never finished college. These are all things normal people experience before they start a family. I never have. I never got the wild child out of me. I never been more than 2 states away from my homestate of Massachusetts. I feel like I'm being robbed of my childhood; not because I'm still young; but because I never got my wild side out of me. It still lives inside, and haunts me, because I want to still be young. I'm 21 (and I just turned it on December 17, 2012). All my life (since I was 15) I couldn't wait to turn 21, so I could go out and party, and get drunk (legally). A week after I turned 21, I found out I was pregnant... talk about being let down. I went to the bars and clubs for all of one week, before I was forced to live the way I do. That is what bothers me the most; now if I go out, and have fun, all I'm going to hear is "shouldn't you be home with the baby?" or "Mother's shouldn't go out as often, because they have to be a role model to their children". This sucks. The best part about turning 21 is the partying; but I get to miss out! It really bothers me. This is where I bet some people think I'm selfish; but you know what? I don't care; because though I try to be happy about the fact I'm having a child, I can't change the way I really feel inside. I feel like I am being robbed; or punnished. I feel like I had so much to look foreward to; but now all I can look foreward to is working 3 jobs, at minimum wage, to try and support my child. Some life that sounds like. People think that I have a whole life time to do things like party, and get fuked up, but in reality, if I want to be looked at as a good mother, I can't being doing all that. People are so judgemental, and when they see a mom going out, and having the time of her life.. then she must not be doing a good job as a mother.

I know I might be coming off as a heartless bitch; but I do love the baby inside of me; dispite the demons I'm facing now. Of course, I will love my child unconditionally.. but my point is, I wish I was doing this at a later point in my life. I wanted to experience everything life has to offer before I settled down. I wanted to be in love, and married, before I had a family. I wanted to do things the old fashioned way I guess you could say. I'm sure once my beautiful baby arrives, I will be happier than I ever been, but the time I have to spend pregnant just feels toucherous to me....

Why Do People Still Consider Weed A Drug?

What is wrong with people?! How can anyone still classify weed as a drug, and mark it illegal?! It drives me crazy. I mean how many people have you seen overdose on weed, or how many people have you seen blackout and commit crimes while smoking weed? None! And do you know why..? Because marijuana is less harmful than any other substance offered to mankind. The only bad thing about weed is, you might gain a few extra pounds from all the munchies you get, or you might be a little tired when you wake up the next day after smoking a blunt before bed. I'm sick of people judging someone on the fact they smoke weed, assuming they are lazy, and are good for nothing, when the people saying that are probably alcoholics, or maybe even taking some sort of pill. I can accomplish anything I want to do sober, high, and I'm damn proud of it.  People have been proven to overdose, die, and become more violent while using them, while there is no way to overdose on weed, no way to die, and no one is going to become violent while high. 


People use weed to relax, to bond, to sleep. You cannot become addicted to it. And most of all, it grows naturally in the earth! We use trees for paper, certain plants for vitamins, skin products, and perfumes, why doesn't it make sense to use this plant as well? 


All I'm saying is, weed has been decriminalized in a lot of states, and is sold as a remedy for people with cancer, and other illnesses. There is really nothing bad to say about this plant. It's not man made, and we know what it's composed of. It's time we recognized the new information we know about weed, and throw out the old ways of thinking from the past when little was known about it! I love my weed, and wont ever stop smoking it for anything unless I need to temporarily for a job, or if I'm starting a family. 

A Relationship Is Not A Test So Why Cheat?

 
So you're in a relationship, and everything is going good, until one day, you find an earring in your boyfriend's coat pocket that doesn't belong to you, or until you find another guy's boxers in your laundry pile that you are sure isn't yours. A terrible wave of emotion you feel come over your heart; betrayal, jealousy, revenge, confusion; so many emotions, it can drive a person crazy for a period of time. Everyone experiences this feeling at one point or another, in one form or another, so you would FIGURE that people would think to themselves, "Well shit, I know how shitty I felt getting cheating on, so maybe I shouldn't do it to the people I date"... but NOO that is NOT how it is...

To all the people who are cheating out there... You can't NOT expect to not be cheated on yourself! Everyone talks about karma this, and karma that, yet they go out and do things, then when their "karma'' comes back to them, they want to get all heart broken.. what is that?? People want to be able to do things to other people and get away with it, and not expect it back to them. I can't stand how people think it is alright to cheat on someone, no matter how short, or long they have been with someone, because the fact is, it doesn't matter if you two have only been together for a week, or a month, when you ask someone to be in a relationship with you, there are certain rules that now are apart of your life, and one of them is faithfulness...


By no means at all am I saying that I am perfect, and never cheated on someone, because I did, and honestly I'm kind of glad I did, and here's why; I lost the best person that ever walked into my life because I cheated on him. I cheated on him two seperate times, one completely intentionally, and one time by accident. The first time, I planned on cheating on him with one of my ex-boyfriends, who I came in contact with again. The second time, I was drinking with one of my boys, blacked out, and "woke up" having sex with him. I stopped it the minute I knew what I was doing, because I didn't want to do this to my boyfriend again. Time passed and my boyfriend was always suspicious of the second time I cheated on him... he knew somehow. The first time he had asked me, we were both tripping on mushrooms, and he just plain out asked me, "did you cheat on me"? Naturally I denied it.. but a few weeks later we ended up moving in together. Once I started to see him everyday, and we started to say "I love you", I couldn't hold it in any longer. It was literally eating me up inside. I woke him up one day at 5:30 in the morning, because I couldn't stop crying about it.. and this is like a year after the fact I did it. 


The point of me telling you all that, is because I want you guys to understand that mistakes happen, and no one is perfect. I am against cheating because I did it to someone, and I seen the hurt I caused them. I tore this man's world open with my lies, but in the end I was the one hurting more, because I ended up losing him. I tried to be honest, and he didn't care. He didn't care I was honest, he cared that I had cheated in the first place. This woke me up to what I really did, because I lost the love of my life. I lost the apartment we shared, and almost lost my car, because I put it in his name. 


So I just wanna know.... WHY CHEAT ? If you want to be with more than one person, then why don't you stay single, and if you can't be that genuine of a person to be faithful, don't be surprised if you get cheated on back.. because I'll tell you one thing, if I find out my boyfriend is cheating on me, before I break up with him, I'm getting my revenge, and making sure he knows about it. ;)

Baby Alert!

Alright, I get it, nobody is perfect, but every day I see the way people act, the way people view things, and the way people live, and it's upsetting! For starters, WHY are all these YOUNG girls having BABIES??!!! I don't understand what makes a girl believe that they can take care of another life, when they don't even have theirs together yet! I mean, lets look at the facts; Most people around my age (18-25), shouldn't be worried about settling down, maybe around 25 they should be, but I think from 18, until then , we should all be in school, and SAVING MONEY so we CAN start a family, with minimal struggling involved. It's sad to see young teen moms single, and alone, because they start to quickly learn, that the people they thought would be there, and help them when they needed it, start to slowly vanish. I see these girls becoming biter, towards people, and how can you allow that to happen when you have kids? Sometimes, I think that girls think that if they keep a baby, that a man will find it in him to want to stay with that girl forever, because she bores his first child. That my friends, is a lie, that will only have bad consequences, and here's why... A man at this age, is not concerned with settling down with one female, at all. They see the world as an endless opportunity to meet, and date women. There are so many girls out there for these guys to meet, why would you think that just because you're "you" that you can change his mind. I'm not saying a man can't fall in love at this age, because it CAN happen, but what I am trying to say is, that to expect a man to stay with you just for a baby, is wrong. You should want him to stay because he loves you, and wants to be apart of YOU. If he's there for any other reason other than YOU, it is not love, and you shouldn't be with someone who doesn't love you!! A man will not fall in love with you, just because you carry, and bore his child. 

Think about it ladies !!! Do you want to do this alone? I mean I'm sure you cant even handle taking care of yourself right now, without some assistance, now, do you really think that you can handle taking care of you AND another life? It doesn't make sense to me if you think you can. Child support can help, but it's not enough! You need to have time to go to college at this point in your life, because THAT'S what gives you the ability to make a better life for your kid! Don't you want a child that can grow up, with food, clothes, toys, and proper healthcare? Don't you want to bring your child into a world of love, and happiness, so they learn those values at a young age? Wouldn't it make more sense to have a house, and a career, and possibly a husband before you start a family? I feel like teenagers these days do not think about the children first, they don't think of the longterm effects of having a child. They think, "well I know it is wrong to kill a baby, so I am just going to have it." Those thoughts shouldn't even HAVE to cross your mind, because you should have thought about that before you even got pregnant. You should have been on birth control, or you should have worn a condom, you know what happens when you put a penis in a vagina, whether he cums in you or not, you know what can happen! So it makes sense to get a handle on the situation if you're having sex with someone, before you have to unexpectedly change your whole life around. I understand mistakes CAN happen, but in our generation, it seems like more and more people are making "mistakes" condoms are cheap, and can be obtained for free at a Planned Parenthood location, or any sexual health clinic. Birth control is covered by most health insurances. I'm not sitting here trying to preach don't have sex, what I am trying to say is, protect yourself from having children at a young age. I love children, but they should arrive at a later date in your life. 

 I just hate to see my generation going to waste. We have so much potential being young, and to put it all on hold, because of an unplanned pregnancy, is just unfair to yourself. We have the tools, and the knowledge to be able to prevent such things, without having to resort to abortion. I understand people are against the death of an unborn fetus, so that is why there are other options to avoid that one. I just feel children who grow up in a household, where money is not scarce, and there are two loving parents to attend to the baby, that a child grow up in an environment that is stress free, and loving. It is easier to take care of a child when you have help, it is almost impossible to do it alone. 

Now, please do not think I am trying to say it is not possible to raise a child on your own, without the help of another person, I am just saying for the BABY'S SAKE, it would be more beneficial to  have another person there. My main reason for that thinking is, the baby is able to sense when you are stressed, which can make the baby stressed. A growing baby adapts to its' surroundings, so allowing it to grow up, in a angry, sad, lonely, environment, is what the baby CAN turn out like when he/she grows up. 

All I am trying to look out for here is the baby's sake, and I think people my age should be doing other things, than being a mom... Look at how old your mom was when she had you, was she a teenager?